Blind Date

Okay, beanface. Take a breath. Close your eyes for a second. You've got a blind date tonight. You've got this! It's gonna be simple: show up, chew your food like a gentleman, laugh, try not to spittle, have a good time, who knows what's gonna happen next.

But.. what if she thinks you're ugly? Or your breath smells, or she figured out about that mole? Or you say something really embarrassing or you dribble something on your shirt? What if the food at the restaurant is too fancy and she laughs at the way you can't pronounce acaí? What if you can't think of anything to talk about? What if everything goes horribly wrong and you end up in a gulag in some foreign country?